you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
