Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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