Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have already put on my inside pants.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
