So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
