The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
