So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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