Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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