i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
