By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
