I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
