it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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