I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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