I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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