better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
