he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
