Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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