he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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