Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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