Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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