We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
