I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
