the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
