How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
