is your mom at the bar?
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
