I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
