I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
