I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
