Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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