the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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