Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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