Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I will be naked everywhere
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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