Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
