I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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