Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
