just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
