Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
