a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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