I'm going to jail i love you
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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