so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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