I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
