So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Panties = found
Randomize
