the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I could make wine with my vomit
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
