Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
