Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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