Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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