my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
