that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
