So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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