My nipple is on Facebook.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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