I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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