You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
either way he was missing a nipple.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
