my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i think i just lost a toe
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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